Grudges that Block Goals need a GOMO!
Last week’s blog is still on my mind- the one about releasing grudges for emotional freedom. There’s little question that grudges hurt relationships, but do you ever think about how grudges impact your goals? Grudges often lead to unwarranted fears, barriers and blunders as we work toward our goals.
The second edition of my first book was recently released, Goal Setting: How to Create An Action Plan and Achieve Your Goals (AMACOM, 2008). As I was leafing through it, the chapter discussing fears that block our goals grabbed my attention again. I reread it and then took a walk down memory lane.
Seventeen years ago, our family moved to central Iowa, a long day’s drive from my mother’s home in North Carolina. The first night in town, my stepfather called the hotel. His message was short and to the point. My mom’s cancer was going to kill her. He asked me to pass the news to my brothers as soon as possible. In one of those calls, my voice trembled a bit as I held back tears; and a brother responded, “Don’t go getting all emotional on me; just give me the facts.”
I didn’t tell him what I thought about his comment, but I thought plenty about it in the privacy of my head-- none of it pretty. And a decision was made. Never again would he have an opportunity to admonish me about getting “emotional”.
You probably know where this is headed, right?
Because of that decision, I avoided interactions with him, and I built a skill of holding any “negative” emotion in check when we spoke.
Can consistent and nearly constant stoicism and optimism block a goal? My answer is, “yes.”
One of my ongoing goals is building healthy, honest, and trustworthy relationships throughout my relationships. The promise to “never again” put myself in a position for “him” to observe and possibly critique my emotions meant less honesty in several interactions. Rather than reveal my true thoughts and feelings, I stashed them. Not surprisingly, the stash became emotional trash. Stifling honest emotion led to suppressed anger and simmering angst. Despite overt positive behavior to “forgive and forget;” the unspoken reality was loss of relationship as a grudge gained power over forgiveness and an emotional lie trumped emotional truth.
Is that a “piece of crazy”? I think so. What kind of “crazy” do you need to get over so that you move on with purity towards a goal that’s important to you?
photo credit: nanasupergirl