GOMO! Buddies

GOMO! - A Relevant Gift for Right Now

As I read the MSN online headlines today about who has what, who wants what, and who can’t get what she wants, my thoughts automatically turn to the dramatic need for a GOMO! perspective in today’s world. GOMO! (Get Over it; Move On!), is a gift to yourself. GOMO! provides a new lens for the way that you see your circumstances, even the incredibly difficult ones of economic challenges, real estate worries, health concerns, and job loss.

GOMO! remains relevant for many of us who express concern about our culture’s “me-first” mantra—about a society in which excess and entitlement are the norm, where many refuse to accept not getting their way. And some of us worry about how this kind of culture has impacted our own values and thinking.

Publishers Weekly writes that Dr. Jean Twenge and Dr. W. Keith Campbell (authors of The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement), provide substantial evidence to prove that, “the U.S. is suffering from an epidemic of narcissism, as real and as dangerous as the more widely reported obesity epidemic.”

However, the material goodies—large homes, expensive cars, and assorted “toys”—that were once within our reach may no longer be feasible. Even when the economy settles, most of us will be changed forever, from our close to graduating son who is currently defining career aspirations, to our daughter who is re-evaluating her college dollars, to my need to talk with my husband about shifts in retirement planning.

I’m using GOMO! as an immediate help to adjust my expectations and reconsider priorities with acceptance and gratitude. I know that it can help.

Try GOMO!; I think you’ll agree that it gives:

• A way to stop the “me-first” perspective (entitlement)
• A way to live from the power of love and gratitude
• A shortcut that “cuts to the chase” for more authentic choices
• A new habit for a higher quality of life that keeps on growing

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Why GOMO! (Get Over it; Move On!)?

As I breathe a sigh of relief about a finished book proposal for GOMO! (Get Over it; Move On!), I’m also thinking about my passionate belief that the concept and process changes lives for good- for the better as well as in a lasting way.

Before the weekend begins, I want to share some thoughts about why there is such a dramatic need for GOMO! There are three key issues facing most of us currently that GOMO! addresses. This blog focuses on one of them today; and our next couple of blogs will address the others.

The need for GOMO! is a human issue, not a gender, age, race, or religion issue. GOMO! is for any who are stuck and want to get unstuck … fast. We need a new way of “seeing” to make wiser decisions for our next step.

"GOMO is simple and direct versus a long, drawn-out six year counseling session that basically says the same thing. I love it.” — Kathi Macias Award-winning author of more than thirty books, including BEYOND ME: Living a You-First Life in a Me-First World.

Many live with a victim mentality. Even those with decent emotional health can fall prey to the “poor me” syndrome. It’s an easy trap to step into. Circumstances can easily push any one of us into conflict rather than a peaceful response. Emotional baggage from the past or burdens of the present causes feelings of helplessness and powerlessness to change, often in spite of a sincere desire to change. The victim way of thinking drains optimism, productivity, and emotional strength. Over time, we find ourselves stuck. We don’t need to be “fixed.” We do need a tool to make better decisions for the lives we most want to live.

The Gift of GOMO! (Get Over it; Move On!) focuses on what to do right now. The process flips our internal switch to one of personal strength. We’re encouraged to consider new ways for resolving old problems.

GOMO! helps us discover:

• New choices specific to our personal needs
• The immediate value of reasoned responses over kneejerk reactions
• Powerful forgiveness to release nearly any form of negativity
• Specific actions to build unbreakable resilience
• Lives lived from the power of loving intention rather than paralyzing fear

As I move on to enjoy this day, knowing that there are places to go and people to see, I’m tucking away the knowledge that GOMO! builds strength to meet what the day gives.

An Immediate Move On! Strategy That Needs to Take Root

A few days ago, one of my favorite sixth graders shared a great GOMO! story with her mom.

As they traveled home from school together, *Kate said, "Hey, mom.  I have the perfect response when someone tells you something and then says, 'No offense!'"   

"So, what’s that?" her mom asked.   

I just say, "No offense taken."  

And that is that.   

*Thank you, Kate.

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What about the Unwelcome Guest?

Inclusiveness is a value I cherish.

“Come on in.”
“Stay as long as you like.”
 
These are words dear to me.

Now and then though, a guest who was warmly welcomed waves good-bye; and I feel a sense of relief. Can you relate?

Years ago, we invited *Becky and Dan, a newly married couple, to our summer home (the one we rent for ten days!) for the weekend. We were so glad to see them.

“Come on in.”
“Stay as long as you like.”

I remember using those words.

Within forty-eight hours, Dan’s behavior shifted the mood. For Doug, for me, for our children. Dan barely gave us the time of day, showing far more interest in our friends with the high powered boat. Conversation was limited to requests (demands?) for more food, drier towels, and, “Shhhh, I’m trying to sleep.” On the water, he hogged the skis, often splashing others in canoes and kayaks as he zoomed by, his maniacal laughter filling the space. In the cabin, he sprawled with his beer and snacks, eyes glued to the screen of a small television.

Yes, I admit it. It was a relief to wave good-bye when Becky and Dan pulled away in their car.

This morning, I had a similar realization about another guest- a guest who is often welcome, but yesterday, not so much. Despite my desire to welcome its presence, yesterday was just not a good day for this one. My ego.

Funny how the ego behaves. Often, it seems pleasant enough; but now and then, it becomes more like a bully. The demands roll in. Unwilling to share. Louder than necessary. And despite my desire to shush it and usher it out, some days, the petty path is taken.

What’s your ego up to today?

Thank goodness for the power of GOMO! Get over it; Move On! and for the beauty of a new day.

*Of course, names are changed!

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Find GOMO! Opportunities in Our Obstacles

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I think about obstacles over the past few days.

Now, as the wind howls outside our door and I hear more branches falling, I’m reminded of our last major storm in June that brought down huge limbs, creating a major obstacle to pulling out of our driveway. Those limbs blocked our getaway for a couple of hours. That gave me plenty of time to consider my thoughts. Let me just cut to the core on what I was thinking right after that storm.

“I can’t believe this. Another darn storm. How many more will we have this summer? The last one took out power in our neighborhood for hours; for some it was twenty-four hours. This is so inconvenient. I hate this.”

Now, I’m reading a book that suggests looking at obstacles in a very different way than making a list of complaints. The author writes about the joy of facing obstacles. She says, “It seemed as though every obstacle…was looked upon as another object to be overcome and another lovely opportunity to find a way over and around it.”

Could we really live that way?

What if I considered each obstacle as “another object to be overcome”? What if I made the decision to view each obstacle as a “lovely opportunity”?

How would it change my day and eventually my life, if I considered each obstacle with her perspective?

I’m going to try it. Will you?

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Strength of Really Big People

"Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous -- not just to some people in some circumstances -- but to everyone all the time" (Thomas J. Watson)

A couple of years ago, seven teenagers spent the night with us. Arriving from Iowa to attend a graduation party, their hosts needed extra beds, so we offered our home. We changed sheets, washed towels, bought food, and looked forward to their arrival.

Our anticipation was soon overshadowed by their curious arrival and stay.

Five of the seven teens said nearly nothing to my husband or me in the 36 hours that they used our home. It was one of the quietest experiences I’ve ever had with a crowd of people. We didn’t hear “hello” when they arrived, “good morning” when they came in for breakfast or “thank you” when they left though we heard them talking with each other just fine (which assured us that they weren’t a troupe of mimes!).

Later, I was talking with my son and daughter about the experience.
I thought their behavior was odd…and rude. My son listened to my story, and then asked, “So Mom, you like being hospitable as long as people say thank you?” 

“Well, uh, yes, I guess that’s true….”

As much as I think I’d like to become the saint who offers hospitality with absolutely no strings attached, I have to admit that good manners and interpersonal courtesies catch my attention. They sweeten the time and strengthen the energy given to serving others.

Words from Ghandi make this point, "When restraint and courtesy are added to strength, the latter becomes irresistible."

Courtesies and good manners in the workplace also sweeten and strengthen.

In the past few months, two clients share the similarity of existing in the same community. There, the resemblance comes to a near standstill. One client has an organizational climate of disorganization, tardiness, chronic apology, and defensiveness about receiving the help they requested. The other gives dogged focus to discovering their essential purpose, assures timely meetings and appointments, exudes confidence and delight about their future, and expresses eagerness for new and shared learning and growth supported with sincere and powerful words of appreciation for each other as well as for me.
Which client would you most want to work with each day?

Is your workplace most similar to that preferred client?

Bernie Brillstein, author of The Little Stuff Matters Most,  says that, "Outcomes rarely turn on grand gestures or the art of the deal, but on whether you’ve sent someone a thank-you note." 

Though living without thank-you notes is easy enough, I’m quite certain that existence is vastly improved with the strength of courtesies and good manners.  Would you agree?

A Moment of Kindness Reshapes the Mood

Watching with frustration as hot chai tea and coffee spilled over his jacket and pants, my husband bent over to pick up the two cups from the pavement after their messy fall from the roof of his car. Walking back into Starbucks, he held both cups in one hand while reaching for his wallet and more money for refills.

After approaching the counter, he passed his cups over to Sarah, the barista, for refills and turned to pay Brandee. Without missing a beat, she smiled and said, “no charge.” “No charge?” he asked. “It was my own fault for setting them on top of the car.”

“No charge.” And Sarah passed the newly filled cups back to him with another generous smile.

Kind action on her part was a gift to Doug’s heart.

It’s not that spilled coffee is that big of a deal, but someone noticing his frustration and taking the initiative to turn it around is a “mood shaper.”

Is there an unexpected kindness for you to give today?

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Why Transfer, When You Can Transform?

Claim your pain.

Is it a betrayal or a rejection? Is it a small disappointment or a deep seated wound?

Whatever the pain, it’s a sure bet that you’re transferring it if you’re not transforming it.

Inevitably, anger, tension, and fear step up to hurt our relationships. And they travel with us to new relationships and circumstances. What do you need to finally “get over it and move on?” The five steps of GOMO! may help.

GOMO! provides the opportunity to name your specific pain, respect the feelings associated with it, reveal the facts that support it, make a decision to release it, opt for the action to do it, and move on to greater strength with new emotional freedom. With freedom from emotional pain, you immediately gain peace and joy.

Will you transform your hurt into peace and joy by your forgiveness...or transfer it for more pain?

What’s the smartest choice for you?

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person by an emotional link stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link to get free." 

--Catherine Ponder

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I Love You, But...

“I love you, but you need a makeover.”

“I love you, but I wish you’d mow the lawn.”

“I love you, but I don’t want to work with you.”

“I love you, but you’re a fashion disaster.’

“I love you, but I want you to change…”

How often do we offer up, “I love you, but…”

Nearly annually for the past fifteen years of our twenty-eight year marriage, I manage to ask this question at some point during our anniversary celebration, “What changes would you like me to make to make our marriage even better for you?”

After all, it’s great to work on self-improvement, right!?!

Really, my intentions are good. I want to know what would make Doug even happier. And, I want him to know what would make me happier.

Doug’s response, consistent if not especially illuminating, is, “Nothing. I love you…period.”  Sometimes, his response is kind of frustrating because I really do want to change in ways important to him.

“Are you sure,” I ask. “Cause there are several things I want to mention to you…”  And then I dig into my purse for that list.

Just the other day, this annual conversation popped into my memory; and though Doug and I laugh about it every year, I realize that I’m telling him, “I love you, but…”

That “but” tells Doug that something is lacking, that he’s not enough as he is.

Then I thought about what Doug says to me. “I love you…period.”

There’s real comfort in that statement.  He’s telling me that I’m enough as I am.

Which of us has the firmer grip on truly celebrating the strength of our relationship?

What does your “I love you” say in your relationships?  Is there something that you want to change to express even more joy and acceptance of those you most love and hold dear?

I do. And I’m not going to wait. Now is the time to call Doug and say, “I love you…period.”

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Meaningful Learning as a Move On Strategy

 

“Messy people are not evil.”

That was the first statement my daughter made when I asked her for the five top things she learned during her second semester of her freshman year at college.

The rest of her *top five list includes:

• “There are some people who just lie and cheat a lot. Quit trying to change them when they don’t want to change; just let them go.”
• “There are times I’ve been talking about someone to a friend and then I realize, ‘I’m gossiping; I need to go talk to this person directly.’”
• “It’s not that hard to recognize really true friends.”
• “I want to be around people who make me feel special. I want to be that kind of person for others.”

Interesting that her top five learnings had little to do with academics; they had everything to do with knowing herself and relating to others.

What have your top five learnings been over the past three months? Is your learning making a difference to the strength in your life?
*Shared with my daughter’s permission

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