GOMO! Buddies

Christmas in July

There’s so much emotional light that’s available in our words. Do you give light when you speak up?

Right now, I’m thinking about conversations that I’ve had with several close friends over the past week. Each of them consistently chooses language that gives light. There’s no *junk talk that creates a shadow. No gossiping, no sarcasm, no “gloom and doom”, no swearing, no bullying…the potential for junk talk looms large; somehow, they each have the gift for avoiding that.

Instead, each one gives loving intention to their words. Not sappy, not dramatic…simply loving which is simply beautiful. 

As I remember the string of conversations from last week, I’m reminded of a quote from an article the other day. The memory of those talks “is like stringing together a strand of Christmas tree lights.”

How bright my life feels as a result.

What’s the light that you and I are giving this week?

*Junk Talk is any communication that hurts relationship in some way

photo credit: Susan B. Wilson* execstrategies.com*269.408.1525

Choose an ENERGY Burst! Part 3

“If people around you aren't going anywhere, if their dreams are no bigger than hanging out on the corner, or if they're dragging you down, get rid of them. Negative people can sap your energy so fast, and they can take your dreams from you, too” (Magic Johnson).

Gather solutions. Discovering solutions rather than focusing on problems gives new energy. Take a moment to remember a challenge you faced when you also discovered a solution. Ten to one, you felt fired up as you breathed new hope, new desire and a fresh perspective.

Recently, a client told me about the negativity of her staff and their energy sucking habits of downplaying their value to the company. Once again, the Eyore habits of “poor me”, “unnoticed me”, and “undervalued me” were derailing her efforts. Together, we developed new ideas for engaging her staff, building their energy, and bringing two goals to distinct fruition. Just having the focus on solutions and new ideas energized this client. She jumped up, flung her arms wide, and hooted with expectation for her next staff meeting.

Yield to your highest values. Let them be a beacon to your goals. Give yourself the needed thinking time to know what values are most important to you and then position your goals to honor those values.

"It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are" (Roy Disney).

Many of us rattle off a fine sounding set of values, but we don't live them on a day to day basis. The disconnect creates inner turmoil which leads to stress which depletes energy. When you’re honest about what’s most important to you and when you invest time and energy to goals that are congruent with your values, then the energy boost beats caffeine!

For example, if time and attention to family is a key value, then a goal of making district sales manager that involves significant travel is not a goal that’s congruent with your value. If flexibility and control over your work is a key value for you, then an eight to five position in a corporation is not a good fit. The disparity of our choices with our deeply held values is a double edged knife. We feel the pain of increased stress as well as depleted energy when we live in a way that conflicts with our most deeply held values.

Our values are ever with us; ensure that your actions honor them.

There are dozens of specific strategies to share that can increase your energy for accomplishing more with the time you have available. However, as is so often the case, we make changes not because of the number of strategies, but because of what we actually put into action.

Review the six ideas of ENERGY and make a commitment to at least two changes; you’ll feel the energy boost!

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Choose an ENERGY Burst! Part 2

Let’s step right back into the ENERGY acronym and take a look at the third and fourth ideas in this week’s blog.

Establish positive habits. Build habits that strengthen you mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Identify actions that energize you. Here are just a handful of examples. Exercise, nutrition, adequate rest, and recreation feed your body. Fair thinking, healthy relationships, and reducing stress feed your emotional health. Challenging your mind, developing your talents, and applying your skills strengthen your intellectual stamina. Knowing your life's purpose, worship, and prayer build your spiritual life.

Make moment by moment decisions to feed rather than deplete your well being for much more energy. Author Frank Crane reminds us of the power of habits, "Habits are safer than rules; you don't have to watch them. And you don't have to keep them either. They keep you." Establish  positive habits that raise your energy.

Reduce what you tolerate. Too much of our energy is depleted by the tug of others on our talents, our sympathies, and our goodwill. Heed the following caution. We "put up with" put-downs. We "put up with" tensions. We "put up with" negativity. In putting up with, we lose. We lose energy, momentum, and focus. Enough. Be reminded of famous military leader, George Patton's words, "You need to overcome the tug of people against you as you reach for high goals." Whether family, friend, or foe, save yourself from those who deplete you. If your emotional, faithful, and/or financial support has been depleted, find some space and replenish yourself.

In my life, there is a person who has been an Eyore (remember the sad sack in Winnie the Pooh?). "Nothing" has gone his way. He's never had a real opportunity. He blames, he yells, he blows up. He leaves others crying, gasping, and diminished in his wake. I finally came to my senses, and realized that in all the years of offering support, he made little gain in taking responsibility for his emotions and behaviors. Nor did he make an effort to offer much support to others. Once aware, it became my responsibility to overcome the tug he had on me.

Stuart Wilde, author of The Trick to Money is Having Some, gives us another thought as we let go of what drains us. "You have a divine right to choose whom you will play with and under what circumstances. By eliminating any energy drag, the positive things in your life will resonate faster and faster."

Are you ready for that kind of energy boost?

Choose an ENERGY Burst!

Top 10 lists are a favorite for many of us. The top ten movies, the top ten songs, the top ten presidents…hmmm, I think I’ll stop right there. Anyway, if we were organizing a top 10 list of clients’ wishes, the #1 and #2 spots might go to wishing for more energy and for more time.

Though there’s no magic wand to wave for those extra hours, the next three blogs are dedicated to six “practically magical" ideas for increasing your energy, making each day even more productive and joyful. And that’s a Move On strategy that you can count on.
ENERGY turns into an acronym for remembering six powerful ideas that make a profound difference in your overall energy level. Choose just 2 or 3 of these ideas and infuse your life with more energy!

Establish boundaries of behavior. Most of us recognize toxic behaviors and know people who choose toxic behaviors. Most of us are affected by "toxic" people in our lives at least sometimes. Have you made the decision to protect yourself from those in your life whose negative energy runs you down? What action do you take against negative energy that tries to beat a path to your door?

A client who manages a staff of twenty recently realized her need to establish boundaries. Her staff is what it is, so she must deal with the incredibly disparate nature of her group in terms of their intellect, outlook on the organization, and energy. However, she also can establish boundaries for her interactions with them. For example, three boundaries relevant to her relationship with her staff are:

1. If you have a problem to present, you must also provide three valuable solutions.
2. Gossip is not tolerated in this organization.
3. Your lack of planning is not my new crisis.

These three boundaries and her commitment to use them, means that fewer members of her staff drain her emotional and physical energy.

No more grudges. Unresolved anger, grief, gripes and grudges sap your energy. Popular author Leo Buscaglia tells us, "Don't hold to anger, hurt, or pain. They steal your energy." Restore energy through the power of GOMO!. The five steps include: identify the problem issue in specific terms, express your feelings about the issue, make a decision for apology or forgiveness, opt for action, and then move on to build trust in your relationship. GOMO! is a powerful model for purer, healthier living as you let go of grudges and welcome greater positive energy. (Click here for free GOMO! articles and product information.)

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How’s Your Equation working for You?

A few weeks ago, Lauren was lamenting her daughter’s impatience with her. Specifically, her daughter expressed annoyance with her mom’s easy going perspective about time. In Lauren’s lifestyle, meeting someone at 3:00 means anywhere between 2:55 and 3:15; her daughter says that 3:00 means 3:00 on the dot. She wants her mom to meet her expectation of arriving on time the way she (the daughter) wants it done or she feels angry.

Now I’m betting that some of you are nodding vigorously with the daughter’s point of view; and others align yourselves with Lauren’s more relaxed perspective.  Without debating the time issue, consider what Lauren said next. This is the part that grabbed me.

She expressed an “equation” that’s now been on my mind for several weeks as I ponder the insight of it. She says that Expectation + Reality so often = Disappointment.  She wondered aloud if we would be better off trying a different way of thinking. What if each of us let go of our stringent expectations of each other and instead accepted what we receive from one another as a gift? What would that shift do to the equation and our emotional well being? Here is Lauren’s equation for that shift. Gift (what you give me) + Reality = Joy.

Here’s a recent way that her equations helped me avoid a need to GOMO!.  A friend promised to be in touch to plan some time together. She didn’t call- a miss on my expectation of her. Sure enough, I felt the keen disappointment. Then I turned to Lauren’s second equation to rethink my perspective. I thought about how often this friend and I enjoy wonderful times together, remembering her gifts of peacefulness, generous acceptance, and wonderful conversation. Sure enough, my heart softened as the equation of, Gift + Reality = Joy took center stage in my thinking.

Can a new perspective change the need for GOMO! in your life?

Boosting Morale in a Busted Economy

The other day, a business owner posed this concern and question:

"Many of us worry about the economy and keeping our jobs. Our business is off, and the environment for my staff of 12 feels gloomy. I don't think we'll need to cut staff, and I've let them know that. But everyone still acts very nervous. How can I cheer them up? How does a 'We're OK' group luncheon sound? Or, should I do my cheering up on a one-on-one basis?"

When I think about my own ability to get over the assorted fears I have about this economy, moving on with behavior that builds strength feels like a big challenge some days. Still, a “best course of action” is focusing on the strengths that I can build rather than fears outside of my influence and control.

So I thought about the question from that concerned and compassionate business owner and then gave a three point response. Perhaps one or more of the ideas make sense to what you are currently facing.

1. Accept with respect and honesty that staff nerves will continue to feel frayed when there cannot be a full guarantee that their jobs are safe. Avoid false gaiety. The words "I don't think we'll need to cut staff" are honest to the present moment, but still invite employee concern about what could happen as an uncertain future unfolds. Respect their concern.
2. A "We're OK" luncheon is great if you really are okay. Keep your intention honest. Maybe the luncheon needs to focus on, "Times are Tough, but We're Pulling Through Together" or maybe it's a "Vent for 10 Minutes and Be Grateful for 20" kind of event. Keep your planning real to the reality and needs of your staff.
3. Invite staff to invest time and energy in identifying ideas that build cheer most meaningful to them. Here’s an idea you can use immediately. Divide into four groups of three people. Give the groups 5 minutes to identify four ideas for raising morale or having fun together or cheering up- whatever they want the focus to be. Then, as a whole group, share the ideas and add additional ones that may emerge. From the resulting list, identify the top ideas that the team would most like to try. Make decisions for doing them; and watch the collective team spirit rise.

Both Bob Nelson and Barb Glanz are authors who write powerfully practical ideas for raising good will and morale among employees. Take a look!

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A GOMO! Strategy- Putting Energy into Better, Not Bitter

I was just reading Brooke Castillo’s blog and one of the questions she asks practically jumped off of the page:

Will the world be a little bit better because of my efforts?

What a great question. And my answer is, “I sure hope so.”

Then a very different question popped in my head.

Will the world be a bit more bitter because of my efforts?

Sadly, the answer to that is a “yes” for any energy I give to holding a grudge over offering forgiveness.  My anger, my frustrations, and my hurts add to the bitterness of a wounded world when I nurse them rather than release them.

It really is time that I stop doing that.

Could that second question also be valuable in your life?

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Reduce Your Need for GOMO!

Tuesday, a friend’s story took my breath away.

Today, I’m back to breathing, but the impact left a lasting impression.

At a conference a few months back, a revered yogi master was speaking with his audience about achieving inner calm and happiness. At one point, he lowered his voice and nearly whispered, “Do you want to know my secret?”

The answer could be seen in the way that the audience leaned forward and became still, ready to grasp his next words as a precious gift.

“The secret is, ‘I don’t mind what happens.’ ”

Wouldn’t you and I have less inner turmoil and fewer conflicts to get over if we embraced the same perspective?

“I don’t mind what happens.”

Think about it. I am.

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Don't Get Conned by Conflict

Don’t get conned by conflict. Fewer angry conflicts mean fewer things to “get over.” So how can we avoid the damage of conflict, but still address issues of concern?

Scarlett Lunning Huey, a respected consultant in conflict mediation, has one of the answers.

She suggests asking ourselves, “are you approaching a conflict believing that the other person is a jerk or that he/she is someone like you who simply has a need different from yours?”

Her question gives us a powerful tool for approaching difficult conversations.

Try it.

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GOMO! Leads to Higher Personal Success

There’s little question about it. GOMO! consistently leads to greater success when any of us Get Over an obstacle and Move On with strength.

Still, I just love it when graphic examples for GOMO! come my way…

Over the weekend, Deanne sent this amazing video:

If you’ll take just 37 seconds to watch it, I think you’ll be pretty amazed by the performance. Actually, I was in awe. What does it take beyond physical ability to achieve such extraordinary performance?

I’ll put my money on his personal choice for GOMO!- over and over again. His performance wouldn’t be possible without his decision to get over hundreds upon hundreds of mistakes and frustrations. Only by letting go of emotional and mental barriers does he move on to higher levels of play—play that is called miraculous.

You and I can make that decision too.